85 YEAR OLD TREATMENT

A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital." How are you grandpa?" he asks. "Feeling fine," says the old man.

"What's the food like?"

"Terrific, wonderful menus."

"And the nursing?"

"Just couldn't be better. The young nurses really take care of you."

"What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"

"No problem at all -- nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate & a Viagra tablet .. And that's it. I go out like a light."

The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so he rushes off to question the nurse in charge.

"What are you people doing?" he says, "I am told you are giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?"

"Oh, yes," replied the nurse. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate & a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The chocolate makes him sleep...and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed."

*******

Next Joke? Pathan Joke

How an Engineer will commit suicide

Mistakes Analysis

If a barber/ coiffeure makes a mistake, it is a new style....

If a driver makes a mistake, it is an accident...

If a doctor makes a mistake, it is an operation...

If an engineer makes a mistake, it is a new venture...

If parents make a mistake, it is a new generation...

If a politician makes a mistake, it is a new law...

If a scientist makes a mistake, it is a new invention...

If a tailor makes a mistake, it is a new fashion...

If a teacher makes a mistake, it is a new theory...

... If Your Boss makes a mistake, it is your mistake

THIS MAY SAVE A LIFE

This is very important;

please pass on to friends and family.

The national Highway Safety Council has done extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt.

Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 45% when the belt is properly installed. Correct installation is illustrated below.......

ULTIMATE MACHINE

A lie machine is bought.It works in the following way.....

If the truth is told- the machine wont give any sound If a lie is told- the machine will give a sound 'KIRRRRRRRR.. .'

Now there are three Indians.One Bengali,one Madrasi and one Sardarji.

Their correspondences are given infront of the lie machine.Here it goes......

Bengali:- 'I think I can eat 30 rosogullas at a time!'
Lie machine:-'KIRRRRRRRR.. .'

Bengali:-'No no, I think I can eat 10 rosogullas at a time'
Lie machine:- no sound(truth is told)

Madrasi:-'I think I can eat 25 dosas at a time'
Lie machine:-'KIRRRRRRRR.. .'

Madrasi:-'No no,I think I can eat 10 dosas at a time'
Lie machine:-no sound(truth)

Sardarji:-'I think....'
Lie machine:- 'KIRRRRRRRR.. .'

Sardarji:-'I think...'
Lie machine:-'KIRRRRRRRR.. .'.

Sardarji:-'I think...'
Lie machine:-'KIRRRRRRRR.. .'

Sardarji:-'I think...'
Lie machine:-''KIRRRRRRRR.. .'

Sardarji:-'I think...'
Lie machine:-''KIRRRRRRRR.. .'

Sardarji:-'I think...'
Lie machine:-''KIRRRRRRRR.. .'

Sardarji:-'I think...'
Lie machine:-''KIRRRRRRRR.. .'

Sardarji:-'I think...'
Lie machine:-''KIRRRRRRRR...

******

Laughter - The best medicine

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.
Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".
Sardar thinks "how poetic"
Sardar says, "pass the custard you bastard".
*******

Sardar at bar in New York.
Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"
Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"
Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"
*******
Boss : I am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k
Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......but??
how much is DRIVING salary...?
*******

Sardar's theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at night when light is needed
& Sun gives light during the day when light is not needed!!!
*******

2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the other to check whether its working,
he puts his head out and says YES...NO...YES...NO...YES...NO...
*******

Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend " u said v will do register marriage and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post office....
*******

Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and says, "chal", it walks.
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, "chal...." Finally he wrote the conclusion......
..... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"
*******

A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"
*******

2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
*******

A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.......
*******

A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' .
he replaced friend with father in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,
SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.
*******

Interviewer: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY....
*******

Blunders

Little Johnny's neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.

When the mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.

His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word "ears" he would get the spanking of his life when they came back home.

Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."

The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnny."

Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"

"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."

"That's great," said Little Johnny, "'cuz he'd be shit-outta-luck if he needed glasses.

Enjoy

1. There are 3 Male and 1 Female pencils in a box.

The Female pencil got pregnant!! Which Male pencil is responsible?

THE ONE WITHOUT THE RUBBER.

2. Woman in bed with husband's best friend, phone rings! 'YES'.. OK, BYE'.

She turns to her lover and says, THAT'S MY HUBBY, SAYS HE'S NOW GOLFING WITH YOU.

3. Three Roosters: normal, retarded and a gay.
Normal : cock-a-doodle- dooo !!!
Retarded : doodle-cock- a-dooo !!!
Gay : any-cock-will dooo !!!

4. Three Guys were introduced to a girl. Hi,.... I'm Peter, not a SAINT. I'm Paul not a POPE. I'm John not a BAPTIST...

The girl replied.. Hi.. I'm Mary, not a VIRGIN.

5. Girlfriends are appetizers. Taste good at any time.

Mistresses are Tomyams. Hot and spicy. Eaten frequently.

WIVES are Maggie. Eaten when there's nothing to eat.!!!

6. Income Tax office asked a Prostitute why she puts her occupation as CHICKEN FARMER.

She replied: I RAISED 5,000 COCKS LAST YEAR.!!

7. Yesterday's News:- A nun jogging at Jogger' Park was raped by 4 guys.

Today's News:- Nearly 100 nuns found jogging at the park.

Don't Call Home For Money

A 16-year-old boy comes home with a brand-new Porsche one day. As you might expect, his parents freak out a little bit.

"Where on Earth did you get that car?" demands his mother.

"I bought it today," the boy calmly replies

"With what money?" his parents exclaim. "We know what a Porsche costs."

"With my allowance money," answers the boy. "It was just 15 bucks. And look, here's the title to it!"

This gets the parents even more worked up. "Fifteen bucks??? Who the heck sells a brand-new Porsche for fifteen bucks?" they ask.

"It was the lady that just moved in up the street," says the boy. "I don't know her name. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars."

"Well, there must have been some kind of mistake," says the mother. Turning to her husband, she says, "John, you go right up there and see what's going on."

So the boy's father walks up the street, where he finds an attractive middle-aged woman in the front yard planting petunias.

He introduces himself and says he's looking for a woman who just sold a Porsche to his son.

"Oh, yes," she responds. "That was me. I hope he's enjoying it!"

"Er... Yes, very much," replies the father. "But to tell you the truth, we can't understand what just happened. Why in the world did you sell it for such a low price?"

"Well," she says, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but I learned from a friend that he ran off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn't plan to come back.

He said he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did."

Doctor Vs Engine Mechanic

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.


The mechanic shouted across the Garage,"Hello Doctor! Please come over here for a minute.


" The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively,


"So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one.


So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? "


The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic :


What did he say ??? Guess ......> ...

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He said : "Try to do it when the engine is running".

Banta Singh Letter To Bill Gates

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. After connecting to Internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.

2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down ' button.

3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.

4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run ' has ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.

5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find', but unable to trace. Is it a bug??

7. Every night I am not sleeping as I have to protect my 'mouse' from CAT, So I suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.

8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning 'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect ur money.

9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when u will provide that?

Best regards,
Banta Singh

*******

Fastest Thing

Four guys, one each from Harvard, Yale, MIT University and SANTA SINGH from Punjab University were to be interviewed for a prestigious job.

One common question was asked to all of them.

INTERVIEWER: WHICH IS THE FASTEST THING IN THE WORLD?

YALE Guy: It is Light, nothing can travel faster than Light.

HARVARD Guy: It's the Thought; because thought is so fast it comes instantly in your mind.

MIT Guy: Its Blink, you can blink and it's hard to realize you blinked

SANTA SINGH: Its Loose Motion

INTERVIEWER: (Shocked to hear Santa's reply) "WHY"?

SANTA SINGH: Last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got the worst stomach cramps, and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHTS, it was over !!

O' Bolo Tararara!!

Blonde

A blonde named Mary decides to do something really wild. Something she hasn't done before, so she goes out to rent her first X-rated adult video.

She goes to the video store, and after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating.

She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR.

To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain.

Mary: "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static."

Clerk: "Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?"

Mary: "Head Cleaner."

******

Few More Jokes 4U : (1) The Weekday Expressions ! (2) Enjoy .....18+ (3) What A Family (4) Sardar and ducks